I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize