I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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