I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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