Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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