She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
