i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize