her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
