if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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