If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
