are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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