So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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