He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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