I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
