omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
