i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
