just tell him i said nine months
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
