I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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