Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
