I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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