Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
