I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
