He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you pee in the oven last night??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
