"it" just moved
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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