life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
