If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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