I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
