Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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