Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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