i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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