it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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