Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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