Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
