i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize