my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
