I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
