So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
