I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize