apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
