Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
