How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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