remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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