he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
