yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
