Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
