you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
