it wasn't lemon gatorade
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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