I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
