think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
