and next time when you feel me up, do it right
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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