ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize