now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
