I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he high fived his dick after we had sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
