Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
