the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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