I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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