Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize