I just made out with a guy for $7.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
