The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
