my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
