I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do herpes really smell.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
